Music: Like A Rolling Stone-Bob Dylan
Mood: Breaking Point
I haven't liked Christmas for a long time. I like to give to those I love, and I like the time of year but the holiday (holy-day #eyeroll#) has been severely corrupted. It isn't as if Jesus was born on December 25th anyway, but if you are supposedly celebrating the birth of The Christ then at least try and act like it. I know I am not feeling very Christ-like right now. That is definitely my fault, yes, so keep your bloomers on. I feel very weak lately. I feel as if my resolve has gone out the window. I just want to scream out for guidance, but there is none to come. We are all alone. We come into this world alone, and we die alone. I have often had foolish ideas, but there has also been times when I am so clear it scares me. This is a Christmas rant, so please don't place any stock in things like grammar and proper writing form because I am not. This is my toxic waste dumping ground today. Humans only use 10% of their brains, and so the other day I was wondering what the other 90% was for, and I know it is for the Spiritual. The things you cannot taste, touch, smell, hear, or see. Pure spiritual instinct. I remember things that I shouldn't probably and in a public forum I certainly cannot share them. But believe me, I know of what I speak. I do struggle with faith, everyone does, but my faith will never be gone. I am not sure of everything that I am supposed to be doing, but I know I would do it. Being alone at Christmas is hard, but pain is a cleanser. Trial by fire has always been the most satisfying because God will cleanse those wounds and you are that much stronger afterwards. It has often been said that strength lies in numbers, but I disagree, I think strength lies in truth. 1 person fighting for the truth is more powerful then thousands of armies of unrighteousness. These eyes are crying, these eyes have seen alot of love but theyre never gonna see another one like I have with you. 2008 begins soon. Enjoy "life" while you still have the chance. Time grows short before the feces hits the ventilation. Read Revelations and UNDERSTAND. Read The Screwtape Letters, that book was written by God through C.S. Lewis. Know thine enemy kiddies. I have lot of growing yet to do, and I have hit a snag right now, but it is almost time for me to be The Boss. If you don't understand that is ok, it is not necessary to understand. Just believe.
Quacky Christmas
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Bee Gee love
Music: See Post
Mood: See Post
It's over and done but the heartache lives on inside And who's the one you're clinging to instead of me tonight? And where are you now, now that I need you? Tears on my pillow wherever you go I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean You never see me fall apart In the words of a broken heart It's just emotion that's taken me over Tied up in sorrow, lost in my soul But if you don't come back Come home to me, darling You know that there'll be nobody left in this world to hold me tight Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight Goodnight Goodnight I'm there at your side, I'm part of all the things you are But you've got a part of someone else You've got to find your shining star And where are you now, now that I need you? Tears on my pillow wherever you go I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean You never see me fall apart In the words of a broken heart It's just emotion that's taken me over Tied up in sorrow, lost in my soul But if you don't come back Come home to me, darling You know that there'll be nobody left in this world to hold me tight Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight Goodnight And where are you now, now that I need you? Tears on my pillow wherever you go I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean You never see me fall apart In the words of a broken heart It's just emotion that's taken me over Tied up in sorrow, lost in my soul But if you don't come back Come home to me, darling You know that there'll be nobody left in this world to hold me tight Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight Goodnight In the words of a broken heart It's just emotion that's taken me over Tied up in sorrow, lost in my soul But if you don't come back Come home to me, darling You know that there'll be nobody left in this world to hold me tight Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight Goodnight (Goodnight)
Mood: See Post
It's over and done but the heartache lives on inside And who's the one you're clinging to instead of me tonight? And where are you now, now that I need you? Tears on my pillow wherever you go I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean You never see me fall apart In the words of a broken heart It's just emotion that's taken me over Tied up in sorrow, lost in my soul But if you don't come back Come home to me, darling You know that there'll be nobody left in this world to hold me tight Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight Goodnight Goodnight I'm there at your side, I'm part of all the things you are But you've got a part of someone else You've got to find your shining star And where are you now, now that I need you? Tears on my pillow wherever you go I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean You never see me fall apart In the words of a broken heart It's just emotion that's taken me over Tied up in sorrow, lost in my soul But if you don't come back Come home to me, darling You know that there'll be nobody left in this world to hold me tight Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight Goodnight And where are you now, now that I need you? Tears on my pillow wherever you go I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean You never see me fall apart In the words of a broken heart It's just emotion that's taken me over Tied up in sorrow, lost in my soul But if you don't come back Come home to me, darling You know that there'll be nobody left in this world to hold me tight Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight Goodnight In the words of a broken heart It's just emotion that's taken me over Tied up in sorrow, lost in my soul But if you don't come back Come home to me, darling You know that there'll be nobody left in this world to hold me tight Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight Goodnight (Goodnight)
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Your Reflections Session will not open...
Music-None
Mood-Humbled
Satan (&co) are powerful enemies. They have a way of sneaking in to your mind without you even knowing they are there. Mimicking your own thoughts, and suggesting feelings to you. Most times even the best of us cannot tell the difference between outside thoughts suggested to us and our own internal dialogue. This is the case because the Latter-days have been reserved for the most valiant warriors, but the veil can sometimes do horrible things. It allows people to forget who they are, and where they came from, and why they are here.
There was a time when I literally felt demons pulling me away from God's work. Holding me back with such force that it manifested itself physically. It was quite scary, I tell you. Holding fast to the iron rod and enduring patiently to the end have never been my strong points. I have been faced many times with a decision and have often taken the coward's way out. In fact, almost every time. I have run from city to city and state to state in search of a peace that cannot come because it needs to come from inside.
I have blown a magnificent opportunity to strengthen myself and to glorify God. I am now reaping what I have sown for 27 years. I had a huge realization yesterday that made me audibly gasp as soon as I said it. J.D and I are similar souls. His is the grown-up version of mine. He has already taken the journey that I have kept trying to set myself out on and keep tripping before I get very far. I have always said that he was everything I was too afraid to be, and now I finally understand what that means. We are opposites, but the same.
When I was 8(ish) years old I was on a Softball team called Mary Ellen's Cardinals. I was absolutely horrible. The only time I got on base all season was by accident because I got walked. I took 1st base practically crying because I was so happy. Then I got greedy. I hovered inbetween 1st and 2nd base attempting to steal. I started to run back to 1st base and tripped. I was promptly tagged out. My moment to shine had been blown because I was greedy, and could not/would not be thankful for the opportunity I was given.
This is a painfully similar situation to what I am in now. There seem to be no second chances to prove your worthiness. Please don't waste your 1st ones.
Quack.
Mood-Humbled
Satan (&co) are powerful enemies. They have a way of sneaking in to your mind without you even knowing they are there. Mimicking your own thoughts, and suggesting feelings to you. Most times even the best of us cannot tell the difference between outside thoughts suggested to us and our own internal dialogue. This is the case because the Latter-days have been reserved for the most valiant warriors, but the veil can sometimes do horrible things. It allows people to forget who they are, and where they came from, and why they are here.
There was a time when I literally felt demons pulling me away from God's work. Holding me back with such force that it manifested itself physically. It was quite scary, I tell you. Holding fast to the iron rod and enduring patiently to the end have never been my strong points. I have been faced many times with a decision and have often taken the coward's way out. In fact, almost every time. I have run from city to city and state to state in search of a peace that cannot come because it needs to come from inside.
I have blown a magnificent opportunity to strengthen myself and to glorify God. I am now reaping what I have sown for 27 years. I had a huge realization yesterday that made me audibly gasp as soon as I said it. J.D and I are similar souls. His is the grown-up version of mine. He has already taken the journey that I have kept trying to set myself out on and keep tripping before I get very far. I have always said that he was everything I was too afraid to be, and now I finally understand what that means. We are opposites, but the same.
When I was 8(ish) years old I was on a Softball team called Mary Ellen's Cardinals. I was absolutely horrible. The only time I got on base all season was by accident because I got walked. I took 1st base practically crying because I was so happy. Then I got greedy. I hovered inbetween 1st and 2nd base attempting to steal. I started to run back to 1st base and tripped. I was promptly tagged out. My moment to shine had been blown because I was greedy, and could not/would not be thankful for the opportunity I was given.
This is a painfully similar situation to what I am in now. There seem to be no second chances to prove your worthiness. Please don't waste your 1st ones.
Quack.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Birds of a feather....
Music:Heaven's Light-Hunchback of Notre Dame
Mood: Electrified
I am not one for flattery, and I know quite well that he will read this post, but I will just say this about J.D--He has completely turned on it's ear any and all notions I previously held about what it means to be a true follower of God. A part of God's Army. His faith is unreal to me, and it is that very faith that makes everything so real. I honor you for this.
I recently discussed the comfort that comes from knowing what I know now that I would still choose my own emotional baggage over my proverbial neighbor's. And I do still maintain that this is true. It is also a great comfort to know that when not hindered by the veil I DID choose this baggage, these trials. I knew at that time what I have always known somewhere within my mortal mind....This is right, this is the way things should be, this is God's plan.
Tonight I feel as if I could do anything. My faith is that great. I feel I could shake off this mortal coil and transform myself to my perfect body. Become who I will be when all is said and done. But I know this is not what God wants for me. I still have a definite purpose to serve here in this veil of tears. I still have a great deal of growing to do...
I am a private person when it comes to my beliefs. I believe in free agency fully and completely. But there comes a time (especially in these latter-days) when one needs to put both feet in one camp or the other. Do a spiritual hokey pokey, and turn yourself around. After all, that's what it's all about.
My heart and allegiance have always belonged to God although there have been times where I have been distracted by the ways of mammon, or worse, the ways of demons. Yet here I am, protected by God's love through it all...now it is time to spread the word. The word that the end is coming..it has already started in fact. I see it everyday the literal demons in people's faces and deeds. It is quite unnerving. Time to choose sides people. And I implore you to choose wisely. There are no second chances.
Before you think me a hypocrite please know that I do not write these things as admonitions for all, I include myself in this advice because I am one in such dire need of it. I need to step up and fight, and take the gauntlet that has been dropped at my feet.
Right now I am a Duck, working furiously under the surface to get through each day. But I will be a Phoenix. I WILL RISE FROM THE ASHES OF THE CHAINS THAT BIND ME.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
The Duck takes flight
Music: Behind Blue Eyes-The Who
Mood: Fresh-faced and fancy-free
Hello, you all may remember me from my previous blog (www.lifeofduckie.blogspot.com). I have decided to start fresh...everyone deserves a 2nd chance to make a 1st impression. Mine is a life of whimsy and wonder. Come along for the ride, I guarantee you won't be bored. Here at Duck on a wire we will explore what makes me--well--me! I've done a great deal of searching over the past several months and I have come to find that the more things change the more they remain the same. I will update on my life and such in a later post, but for now we will leave this as a re-introduction. Old friends, new friends, and those in between...welcome to my life!
Quack!
Mood: Fresh-faced and fancy-free
Hello, you all may remember me from my previous blog (www.lifeofduckie.blogspot.com). I have decided to start fresh...everyone deserves a 2nd chance to make a 1st impression. Mine is a life of whimsy and wonder. Come along for the ride, I guarantee you won't be bored. Here at Duck on a wire we will explore what makes me--well--me! I've done a great deal of searching over the past several months and I have come to find that the more things change the more they remain the same. I will update on my life and such in a later post, but for now we will leave this as a re-introduction. Old friends, new friends, and those in between...welcome to my life!
Quack!
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