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Mood-Humbled

Satan (&co) are powerful enemies. They have a way of sneaking in to your mind without you even knowing they are there. Mimicking your own thoughts, and suggesting feelings to you. Most times even the best of us cannot tell the difference between outside thoughts suggested to us and our own internal dialogue. This is the case because the Latter-days have been reserved for the most valiant warriors, but the veil can sometimes do horrible things. It allows people to forget who they are, and where they came from, and why they are here.

There was a time when I literally felt demons pulling me away from God's work. Holding me back with such force that it manifested itself physically. It was quite scary, I tell you. Holding fast to the iron rod and enduring patiently to the end have never been my strong points. I have been faced many times with a decision and have often taken the coward's way out. In fact, almost every time. I have run from city to city and state to state in search of a peace that cannot come because it needs to come from inside.

I have blown a magnificent opportunity to strengthen myself and to glorify God. I am now reaping what I have sown for 27 years. I had a huge realization yesterday that made me audibly gasp as soon as I said it. J.D and I are similar souls. His is the grown-up version of mine. He has already taken the journey that I have kept trying to set myself out on and keep tripping before I get very far. I have always said that he was everything I was too afraid to be, and now I finally understand what that means. We are opposites, but the same.

When I was 8(ish) years old I was on a Softball team called Mary Ellen's Cardinals. I was absolutely horrible. The only time I got on base all season was by accident because I got walked. I took 1st base practically crying because I was so happy. Then I got greedy. I hovered inbetween 1st and 2nd base attempting to steal. I started to run back to 1st base and tripped. I was promptly tagged out. My moment to shine had been blown because I was greedy, and could not/would not be thankful for the opportunity I was given.

This is a painfully similar situation to what I am in now. There seem to be no second chances to prove your worthiness. Please don't waste your 1st ones.

Quack.