Music: Close To Me (Alternate Version)-The Cure
Mood: Groggy Froggy
I am sitting here listening to music at my desk while I type away and it has come to my attention that no matter what instrument is *actually* being played I always either play air-fiddle or air-piano.
I am well-aware that it is not the instrument being played (unless it is) but for some reason, here at my desk, those two instruments are my comfort zone. Yes, believe it or not this is a post about comfort zones. Sans therapy (talk or drug) I must rely solely on my will-power to keep my weapons-grade crazy in check. Due to this heavy reliance I have almost completely withdrawn into myself barely leaving my room, let alone the house. I wouldn't say that I have agoraphobia because I am not afraid to go outside necessarily--there is just something that keeps me from wanting to do it and something that keeps me from achieving it unless I put forth a tremendous effort.
The majority of times I am so worn down that I simply cannot put forth the effort and so I stay inside and by myself. This behavior has had an unexpected negative effect on Jack. He almost won't let me out of his sight now until he is crying for me to come back. He wants to be near me all the time because he is either so used to it now, or his feline intuition has kicked in and told him I am not well. That I am hanging by a precarious thread--a wire, as it were. I try to keep it to myself as much as possible and hide it because it is my problem, not anyone else's.
So instead, I sit here at my desk, listening to music, and playing the air-fiddle and wait for a new day to come...
Quack-ilee, Quack-ila.
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4 comments:
Kinnies, you need not isolate yourself. Remember, ducks flock together. We shall fly together!
Thanks Kins, you're the best. :)
I feel what you're saying about keeping in the problems...I've said the whole, "It's my problem, no one else's" bit a million times.
I have a hard time telling everyone in the world what's going on with me, but there are a couple of people I know I could vent to when/if I needed. Do you have this? Problems become too heavy when you keep them all in. Even just venting about one or two helps.
Deb, I talk to one of my sisters, Kelley, once a week on Tuesdays. We usually talk for at least an hour. A lot of times it is just surface stuff, but if anything gets to really bothering me I can pretty much always talk to her about it. There isn't really anyone I can share 100% of my self with though. I would say 50% is the most anyone gets. The rest is locked away tight.
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