On a Thursday in a Leap Year

Music: Hazard-Richard Marx
Mood: Optimistically Cautious

Hello again everyone. Sorry I have not written sooner, but I was lost in the quicksand of my brain, and some R.O.U.S's came to get me. I have so many contrasting emotions, and thoughts, and possible problems and solutions swirling before me. It leaves me reeling sometimes.

Now that I have caught my breath, and dipped my toes back into the pool of this blog of my life I feel reassured in an odd way. Sort of like the feeling you get from an old blanket--it may be tattered and worn and badly in need of washing but it is your blanket. A true comforter for the ages.

Having an anxiety-based disorder naturally brings talk of anxiety to one's attention often. I had a panic attack yesterday, but luckily I did muster the strength to leave the house and had a nice, reassuring, non-threatening time. That is all I will say for now. I am not really superstitious, but it would precisely be my luck that my big mouth would ruin things for me once again.

This was not something I had really intended to advertise, but I have been toying with the idea of getting married again. It is no secret that I never want to be in a relationship again--this is true. However, I do want at least a child, if not children. It is highly unlikely that someone in my income bracket will ever be able to adopt a child as a single parent. For this reason, and others I feel I would be perfectly fine to marry someone as a friend and maintain a friendly relationship with them. I know I am not in any sort of high demand as I have very little to offer in the way of wifely charms but I do want to hold out some hope that someone, somewhere in this universe may feel the same as I do and will somehow reveal themselves to me. I suppose it doesn't hurt...too much.

I am getting older quickly. I would like to have more of a legacy to show for my life. Perhaps somewhere within me is an over-inflated sense of self importance to believe I not only should have a legacy, but that it should not be minimal. Either way, I would like to feel that the suffering and the trial by fire was possibly for some purpose and that I might be remembered after my mortal life ceases.

Jack has lost over a pound. My good boy is taking off the weight like a champ. Inspiring in everything he does that one.

Salagadoola Mechikaboola Bippity Boppity Boo put 'em together and what have you got?

Quack-ity Boppity Boo